delicious and nutritious turkey lettuce wraps

DATE ALERT: Do not serve this on your first date with that girl you met at the mawl...  
These are delectable, easy to make, and ideal if you're watching your weight - unless you consume the whole lot in one sitting, which, no doubt, you will want to do.

You'll need:
o  a pound of ground turkey or chicken
o  coconut oil - you can find this at Whole foods and if your budget doesn't include fancy things like coconut oil, use any sort of oil except baby.
o  something called Chinese 5 spices - it's in the spice area and you will thank me later
o  scallions or cilantro - both good; together better- slice up the white parts of the scallion
o  garlic- a few peeled
o  shredded carrots - about half a cup or more
o  tamari or soy sauce
o  grated fresh ginger - about 2 tbsp
o  splash of rice vinegar
o a head of lovely bibb lettuce - the kind that has large, tender leaves

Separate the lettuce into big pieces and put on a plate. (you're almost done)
heat a big pan up about medium with a couple of tablespoons of oil.
once it's melted and hot, throw in your carrots and cook for a minute.
throw in some smashed garlic, ginger, turkey, and as much grated ginger as you can stand - the more the better in my opinion. Throw in the scallions. (you can slice up the green parts of the scallion and throw that in towards the end of cooking.
Cook all that thru, about 10 minutes, breaking up big hunks of turkey.
fling a good handful of chopped cilantro in, toss in a sweep of tamari and about 2 tbsp of rice vinegar and cook that up for another minute.

This should be smelling really good and you'll want to grab a spoon and eat it out of the pan but if you didn't heed my advice about the date, don't do it..she was impressed when you whipped out the Chinese 5 spices but will be grabbing her purse if you can't restrain yourself.

Put a spoonful of the mixture on top of the carefully laid out lettuce leaves and serve!
(roll up like a burrito and grab the napkins)

Calling a flower

Seeing summer is just about here (I'm a cool weather gal myself and am in no hurry)

I decided to get this food rig moving again..it's been parked in the station WAY too long and snacking way too much on kale chips and leftover tacos…

You've got a place to live, perhaps a new job, and you're #@$*%% hungry! Let's get on it! So here's a good, actually delicious cauliflower recipe…I KNOW I KNOW..where's the beef? But kids, cauliflower is a highly nutritious veggie despite the way it always seems to be lurking in the most random part of the grocery store like a creepy person all wrapped up in a smelly wool coat, hoping someone notices him…I digress..HERE'S A DELICIOUS WAY TO MAKE YOUR NEW FAVORITE VEGETABLE!

CRISPY CAULIFLOWER YOUR FRIENDS WILL BEG YOU FOR LATER

You'll need: 

one lovely head of cauliflower

a good sized baking sheet,

olive oil

one or two large egg whites beaten in a medium sized bowl

garlic

panko bread crumbs

salt and pepper

1)  Preheat the oven to 375

2)  Take the cauliflower apart (don't worry, it's not offended) with a knife.

don't use the big parts of the stalk - just the pretty flowerets-try and cut them smallish, to be around about the same size so they cook evenly.

3)  Put about a cup and a half of panko in a big bowl.  Smash and chop up some garlic and throw it in the panko.

4)  Spray the baking pan

5)  Here's the fun part: Throw the cauliflower into the egg whites and toss em around till they're all coated with the slimy goo.  

IMPORTANT:  if one leaps to its death onto your kitchen floor, push it under the oven immediately; otherwise your roommate might see it, think it's a piece of that popcorn ball you guys made at Christmas.  He'll toss it in his mouth and  forever swear off cauliflower.

6)  With a slotted spoon or your fingers (I vote slotted spoon) throw the gooey chunks into the panko so they're good and panko'd. 

7)  Place the cauliflower on the pan - don't crowd too much.  Take the olive oil and lightly drizzle the mess.  Toss on a large pinch of salt and pepper and BAKE.  I'm thinking maybe 20 -30 minutes…you want them to be crispy and a bit brown. YUM.

b'jeez, eh, time t'cook

A certain Canadian friend of mine was disturbed that IHungry didn't represent the superior recipe options from his homeland. So, I decided to do less of whatever the hell I am doing and take on a more international vibe for all of you ambitious sorts who require ethnic variety, jeezis...my friend is currently out on a glacier somewhere, hunting arctic moose to feed his village so I'll have to invent a good Canadian supper..sometin' aboot bacon'r ham eh? 

'Mazin Sundee Supper for you and yer Compnee

HOG 'n bacon CASSEROLE

First, you'll need to put on some flannel-lined waxed plaid hunting pants (or your old Ottowa hockey jersey), turn the temp WAY down so you can see your breath, if you're 21 make a strong toddie (homemade moonshine poured in a coffee mug with a sprinkling of hot water and lemon),   and throw some maple leaves around on the kitchen floor in order to get in the mood.

Stuff you'll need:

¼ Cup salted pork(I don't know what the hell this is either - must be a Canadian staple you'd find in an old attic hung  on wire hangers near the open window where snow can blow in and keep it from rotting - just use a few pieces of bacon - chopped up is fine - b'jeez)

1 Onion, cut into small cubes 

2 Green onions (we call them scallions -skip this if it's freaking you out) cut into small pieces 

4 potatoes peeled and thinly sliced 

2 Cups diced cooked ham 

2 Tbsp flour 

2½ cups milk 

¼ tsp thyme 

Pinch nutmeg 

Salt and pepper 

Here's what y'doo:

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.   Cook rotting, snow-encrusted mystery meat - er bacon in this case - in saucepan for 2 minutes. Add onions cook 3 minutes. (Canadians look to the stars to determine time, so don't blame me if my stars were off)

In casserole dish (spray lightly with vegetable spray - or rub a little hog grease),  place one potato layer and sprinkle with cooked onions and bacon. Add ham. Repeat layers. Season well with salt and pepper. Sprinkle with spices. 

Mix flour and milk with a whisk.  Pour mixture over ham; cover and cook in oven for 40 minutes. Then remove cover and continue to cook for 10 minutes. Serve to yer compnee.  If it don't work out, cook the smith'reens oot of d'stuff and use it as a hockey puck, by jeez. 

SOBA FAST

Supa Fast Noodles

this recipe is so fast I'm almost done with it now! 

It's an Asian noodly yum I invented when I was feeling like something a little saucy/salty. This recipe will leave you waving your chopsticks in the air, begging for more!

Ingredients:  SOBA noodles - a buckwheat pasta  sold in the Asian aisle

                     sesame oil

                     tamari (or soy sauce)

                     frozen spinach

                     can of oily tuna (do not use the narsty white "tuna packed in water" or you will keel over  

                         choking on a gob of dry, imitation tuna product that tastes like a 70's rubber Barbie doll foot-

                         and please 

                                don't ask how I know what that tastes like...memory is too painful)  squeeze out a

                                little of the oil

                                    from the can

o  boil a pot of water.

o  when the water is in a rolling boil, throw the noodles in, wait for it to boil again, then turn down the temp a little bit.  If you don't, the starch from the noodles will cause your pot of water to erupt like Mt. St. Helens - not so fab unless you're aiming to impress your friends with a fun volcano demonstration before dinner - which won't exist unless you're into frozen spinach for dinner cause that's all that'll be left, bucko. 

o  in 2 minutes or so throw in a big hunk or a couple cups of frozen spinach..your water will sit there for a minute, confused, sad, and pissy because of the spinach ruining the fun, so turn up the heat a tad to get things moving again, then turn it down again a bit otherwise you'll have a GREEN volcano science project to clean up. 

o  after about 2 minutes, test a noodle - if it's soft, you're done.

o  drain mixture, throw in a big bowl, and add about TBSP of sesame oil, a good splash of tamari, and your can of delicious, oily tuna. Stir around with your chopsticks and bon appetit! or rather douzo meshiagare!! 

drop dead moose drops

YOU ASKED FOR IT...I'm headed to Mexico now MOOSE DROPS

someone (who is in the middle of quadruple bipass surgery as we speak) sent this in..looks like it'll do the job in the 'ole clogging up the heart department...but at least you'll have a smile on your face.  Good luck and make sure you write a note to your mother that you were of sound mind when you decided to make these...it wasn't me!! 

Delicious Milky-way Moose Drops

Ingredients

• 1 Cup Sugar
• 1 Cup Karo Syrup
• 1 1/3 Cup Nutella
• Pinch of Salt
• 4 1/4 Cups Rice Krispies
• 11/2 Cups Milky Way Candy bars, chopped

Instructions

1. In a medium sized sauce pan, over medium heat, add the sugar and Karo Syrup. Cook the sugar and syrup, stirring occasionally until all of the sugar is dissolved and the liquid is clear. Stir in the Nutella and salt. Turn the stove down to medium low and stir for one minute or until well incorporated. Set aside to cool for about 2 minutes.
2. In a large bowl pour the cereal in and then pour the Nutella mixture on top. Gently fold the mixture together until all of the cereal is well incorporated. Add the candy bars and stir again. Using two spoons or an ice cream scoop, scoop the Milky Way Krispies onto a parchment lined baking sheet to cool. Store in an airtight container or Ziploc bag for up to 3 days.

What Watermelon??

Sweet Jeezus, there's watermelon on the menu! We're talking a TOWER OF POWER watermelon - my kids and I were in Glawstah for a bit this summah and we were overwhelmed with luscious happiness and joy by a fabulous watermelon appetizer (that I'll try and recreate here)  It looks pretty simple and tastes amazing. My daughter who "doesn't do cheese" opted for the sans cheese version - either/or is amazing.
At the restaurant 2 and possibly 3 watermelons were used for one appetizer and we never actually ate our main course - we had to walk around for hours with all the other stuffed quahogs (that's cohawgs) stumbling around outside, belching in a very aggressive manner....

WATERMELON SALAD 

this is the sans cheese version/not layered

Ingredients: 

o  a couple of big juicy hunks of manly looking watermelon - this is a stand at attention; salute-to-the-chef kind of dish, folks - take it seriously. No seeds unless you're looking for disappointment

o  some feta cheese crumbles or slices

o  balsamic vinegar

o  some sort of salty nut - we like cashews - you could also toast some salted nuts - chopped up

Cut the watermelon so it resembles either this above, or cut into big, uniform slabs, stacked in a pretty way

You can either layer some feta (about 75% watermelon...) or crumble it around the bottom of your stack

drizzle some balsamic on top and around the mounds - not too much; it's complimenting the melon not gushing around in puddles

sprinkle the nuts all over and by golly you have a massive amount of watermelon on your plate-eat up! 

FISHK

For those of you young darlingsk who have never seen the musical, Popeye, with Robin Williams, you're just going to have to deal.  For those of you COOL people who appreeshkiate that film I will honor your happy memories and use Popeye-speak...it was meant to be. Here's some good fishk fastk.

SHLIMPS when you really want em now

Ingrediments:  Shlimps - frozen, already cooked (you can totally use freshk or uncooked ones but this   

                        recipe is quick-like easy - I llllllike the medium to large kind

                        Garlicccc - a ton - smashed and ready to go

                        Olive oil (I know not THE Olive Oil - the other one)

ohhhh Popeyyyyye

                        small tomatees - not the tiny grape ones but the larger ones

                        optionimal:  baby spinachk, leftover spinachk, frozen spinachk, save the canned 

                        spinachk for Popeye   

         

pppppprocess:  Heat up some o.o. in a big pan - the bigger the bettah...not too hot (never burn the garlic, if you do, better throw the whole damned thing overboard or you'll be scrunching up one side of your face and mumbling about some nasty taste in your chomps. Plus Sweet Pea would never go near you again).

After a minute or so, throw in a pile of tomatees. Throw in some salt and peppeh and yell, 'I yam what I yam!!' as you do it.  In a couple of minutesk, before the tomatees get too soft, turn up the heat and throw in your shlimps. Cccccccover.  (If you're using frozen spinachk, best to nuke, then drain it now-add at the very end.)

If you're using fresh spinachk, wait a bit before you throw that in or it'll become limpk and nasty. The second the shlimps seem to be heated thru-don't overcook - remember they are already cooked; you're just basically reheating, throw in that spinachk and uncover. Stir around a bit with the end of your pipe, add more seasoning or some red pepper flakes until it looks delishk.   Serve with quinoa or rice or over pasta or if you're like Popeye, eat it right at the stove from the pan, even if steam comes shooting out of your ears...(you can add a bit of pppesto to it if you're getting real fancy shmancy)  Enjjjjjjoy. 

ON VACATION..sort of

My poor, starving chickens...I know it's a hard egg to crack..it's a tough steak to cut...it's a slimy piece of baloney...it's a hard black crust on a loaf of 3-week old baguette.  Life without a new fabulous recipe here is not my idea of stuffed French toast with real maple syrup.... BUT, people, there is a reason for this.  And it begins with K and ends with n.n..n..nasty business. 

this used to be my kitchen 

                                         After the unfortunate divorce, and the fact I had to live somewhere else, my
                                                    current  "kitchen" SUCKS the big sour salami.   pa-tooey.  

this is my work space (not pictured: bowls, spices, 3 dogs, 4" of raw sewage and live chickens on the floor)

HERE ARE MY EXCUSES FOR NOT FEEDING YOU LATELY:
1)  a 5" counter "space" where there really isn't any room for a stick of butta never-mind a large goblet of whisky...well there is some room for that;  2)  a large appliance which pretends to be an electric stove-- it is so pissy and stubborn. It refuses to clean itself up and there is definitely some questionable DNA on the edges.  This repugnant gizmo often decides not to heat up for 36 minutes (minute-35, it stops pouting and starts buzzing and smoking);  3)  a good pan which I have never used since I have one (count ONE) dark, mouse-inhabited cabinet that houses an angry gang of peeling, rusty cooking vessels who bully this poor pan so it's always hiding wayyyy in the darkest, creepiest part of the cabinet - I ain't goin there; 4) a fridge which is usually filled with such old expiration dates, we're still waiting for the fridge fairy to take it all away. Oh, and there're several containers of old Thai? Indian? food and packets of leaking, colorful sauces. It's too hard to figure out what's edible, so we usually eat cold spaghetti that's on the stove still waiting to be heated up.  

You can understand why this dipped and battered has-been chef is taking a breather - but folks, I'm going to continue to power through, despite the aforementioned drawbacks  - remember there are no mistakes in cooking; it's either tasty or not.  If it's not tasty use the muck to fill in those aggravating holes in the driveway and try again!! CIAO until then! 

Roasted Veggies

If you throw a bunch of vegetables in the oven you can have delicious beginnings for breakfast, lunch or dinner for several days.  Here's a basic recipe and some things you can do with it afterwards:

WICKED GOOD ROASTED VEGETABLES that go a long way.....
You'll need any hearty vegetable matter: eggplant, garlic, onion, asparagus, carrots (peeled), bell peppers (take out seeds!), zucchinis, broccoli, fennel...whatever you find. Lemon juice if you want.
Preheat oven to 400

Cut vegetables into thick slices or chunks.  If you have garlic, leave the skins on.  You will have to be vegetable cop here and keep order (don't let the peppers comingle with the asparagus) since some vegetables take longer to cook than others so try and keep them as separate as possible.
Oil up a pan or two - allowing vegetables to sit on the pan without having to rub elbows with its neighbors.  Sprinkle on olive oil all over the mix making sure they're good and doused-use your CLEAN hands to distribute.  Throw a good amount of kosher salt and pepper all over..bake.  In about 10 minutes check and take out whatever is ready - asparagus and beans usually are done first (take out before they are shriveled and black).  Stay on guard and remove whatever vegetables are next in line until they're all lovely and lightly browned. Flip them around if they seem to be browning too much on one side.  Throw them all into a big bowl.  Squeeze out garlic into mix when it's cool enough to handle.  Sprinkle lemon juice.  If you have parsley, throw that in too if you want.

Ideas on how to use these things:
 breakfast: heat up veggies in nuker briefly. Top with a fried egg, leftover bacon, guacamole, rice or beans, sprinkling of cheese and salsa and serve on a warm tortilla - you will not be hungry the rest of the day, guaranteed!
 lunch:  toast up a thick slice of french bread, rub some garlic on the bread while hot, sprinkle a bit of olive oil on that, throw on some veggies,  lay a slab of feta cheese or cheddar on top and chow down...you can also broil it a bit for extra deliciousness.  
dinner:   in a big pan, fry up some bacon till crisp, drain on paper towels..pour off all but about a tbsp of bacon fat into an old can. In the fat, throw in some big pieces of walnuts and brown.  Scoop out walnuts and drain on paper towels.  Meanwhile boil some ziti, heat up your veggies, cut up some cherry tomatoes and fresh basil. When the pasta is done throw in a big bowl your warmed veggies, crumbled bacon, tomatoes, basil, walnuts in bowl; add more olive oil if it seems too dry...serve with parmesan, salt and pepper.
Or just throw the veggies in a bed of leftover rice or quinoa with a bunch of chopped fresh herbs or arugula and lemon..done.

MUFFINS

Here's a little somepin, pumpkin.  When you're foomin for a moofin...these are a snap!

PUMPKIN MOOFINS
you'll need: 
1 1/2 cup flour
3/4 cup sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
pinch of salt
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice (in the spice aisle!)
1 can 100% pure pumpkin 
2 large eggs
1/2 cup oil - veggie or canola
1/3 cup greek yogurt or whatever yogurt you got
couple of handfuls of chocolate chips (optional but ever so great in these muffins)

preheat oven 375 degrees
Spray muffin tin or line tin with muffin cups-use those old Halloween ones you've had in the pantry for 10 years...
Mix flour, sugar, baking powder, spice, and salt in big bowl.
In another bowl, whisk eggs a bit then pumpkin, oil, yogurt.
Now make the executive decision whether or not to add chocolate chips...
(YES, what are you thinking, ADD THEM, DUMMY) 
Very carefully, like you're folding a baby lamb into a bed of feathers without waking the lamb, fold the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients..don't overmix or you'll either wake up the angry baby lamb or you'll create orange hockey pucks not even an old mutton would care to ingest.
Spoon mix into cups, bake for about 17-24 minutes or until a toothpick or knife comes out clean.
Be patient and let sit for a few minutes (unless you prefer to sear your tongue on molten chocolate lava)
(If you're a dummy and chose not to add the chips, throw those moofins down your gullet, just make sure you have a glass of cold milk at the ready and prepare yourself for chocolate chip regret.)
NOTE: you can spoon the batter into mini muffin tins too, just bake at 400 and for only about 10 minutes tops.

EGGhead

For those of you who like the other part of the chicken...namely the very shy egg, you are in luck because I LOVE EGGS...more on that later - 
For now, if you want a great, portable lunch or breakfast item, pack a hard-boiled egg - it's the perfect food. 
study this highly complicated recipe -- your yolks will NEVER turn that unsightly green color EVER.  Martha Stewart will never speak to you again if you serve her another green-yolk egg so get with the program.

lovely hardboiled eggs

place eggs in deep saucepan.

fill with water to cover eggs.

turn stove on to med high-high

bring water to rolling boil.

turn off heat, cover pan, let sit for 20 minutes (if they're really large eggs, wait 30 minutes)

rinse eggs in cold water. put in fridge.

done. 

btw, I've gotten way distracted during my egg boils (writing the great American novel, composing another musical production, practicing my Cantonese, watching another episode of Honey boo boo, pouring concrete...you know usual stuff) and left them (gasp!) for close to 50 minutes and they were absolutely fine. So don't stress out about the time. It would be pretty hard to mess this up. 

ALSO, use the contraband eggs and not the organic, free range, happy eggs - the shells come off easier. Do not ask why, otherwise you might swear off eggs.

More Chicken please!

I'm busy testing out a vegan, raw, no gluten, free-range, tastes-just-like-chicken recipe so in the meantime, you'll just have to have chicken again tonight! 
Here's a recipe some chick sent me that is clucking fantastic.  
DIANE'S JUICY, CRISPY THIGHS 
Set the oven to 400

What you need:
8 Chicken thighs
5 T melted butter (can melt in microwave, 30 seconds or less)
3 T Dijon or grainy mustard
2 tsp Maple syrup or honey (optional)
1/4 tsp Garlic powder
1-1/4 c Bread crumbs
1/3 c Shredded parmesan cheese
3/4 tsp Salt
1/4 tsp Pepper
2 tsp Dried parsley flakes

Line a baking pan with tin foil, and spray with oil. Rinse chicken in cold water and
pat dry.

Combine the melted butter with mustard, syrup or honey and garlic powder in a
shallow bowl.

In another bowl combine panko crumbs with parmesan, S&P and parsley.

Brush or rub the chicken thighs with the butter/mustard mixture and then press
all sides into the panko crumbs to coat thoroughly. Place in the lined baking pan
and bake for 40 - 50 minutes, or until the juices run clear when chicken is pierced
with a fork.

something fishy

A fishing friend of mine suggested this recipe which totally passes the "simple as pie" test...although, in my opinion, pie is everything BUT simple unless your next door neighbor bakes one.

But anyway, onto FISH!!  For those of you who like to do some fishing in your spare time, this recipe is best (per Doug's suggestion) with an oiler/gamier fish.  Good luck with all that. This one's made with salmon.


Skin-on salmon fillet

1 part soy sauce
3 parts orange juice
coarsely grated fresh ginger (unpeeled is fine)

mix ingredients

marinade the fish for 30 minutes flesh side down in a non-metal dish or ziplock.

Grill fish on very hot, well-oiled grill; flesh side down until well browned. Turn fillet and finish. ~4 minutes each side but this will vary depending on the thickness of the fillet. Watch for flare ups.

You can also broil it in a cast iron skillet (easier cleanup than broiler pan) skin side down. Takes about 8-10 minutes in my broiler. 

back from summer

Ay caramba - you poor, starving children, staring at the computer with your fork and knife at the ready!! 

IHungry aplogizes for having taken such a long break - I believe it's on account of having to prepare waayyyy too many dinners consisting only of tomatoes, basil, bread, and corn on the cob. 

(can you say, major-chef-melt-down..?)

 BUT, have no fear, little baby birds, help is on the way. 

@#$%%!!! dinner

Those piercing screams you may have heard this morning were coming from IHungry (me) on account of a minor "incident" with the staff (my stubborn computer). Because of this unfortunate situation, which is too vicious to describe, a very valuable recipe fluttered away into cyber space along the my already stressed techno-patience.  The staff of IHungry (me, again) apologizes for any inconveniece and/or lost recipes.  Here is the much adored excerpt you may have missed out on:

Since IHungry was currently in France here's a recipe you should try in honor of the self-conscious but respectful ingredient - the stinky cheese. It's lovingly called:  @#$%%!! or

HOLY HELL WHAT THE @#$%%!! IS THAT SMELL IN THE FRIDGE PASTA

INGREDIENTS:

o  bow tie pasta, question: why bow tie? answer: because it looks fancier covered in cheese

o  some sort of herb-thyme is always good

o  nasty, green encrusted cheese: camembert or brie you've discovered in the depths of your fridge that has caused even your innocent stick of buttah to reek like the clenched hooves of a dead, rotting, goat head (yes, I realize there are no hooves on dead, rotting goat heads, but imagine the stench if there were) - scrape off questionable bits.

o  some sort of veggie to mellow out stinky cheese (mushrooms or peas..)

PROCEDURE:

1) clear out house now! otherwise your roomies will hurl all kinds of insults and comments your way

2) cook pasta

3) Cook your peas and/or mushrooms:  saute mushrooms in olive oil and thyme (or use the mooshroom recipe with a little butter instead of creme fraiche - sans eau de hoof), nuke peas - throw on lots of herbs and salt and pepper

4) drain pasta

5) immediately pour hot pasta in big bowl, plug your nose and add chunks of cheese, stirring as you go. 

(cheese should melt right into pasta), add a little olive oil and your herbified veggies

6) grate on parmesan (the cheeses can fight it out in the bowl)

NOTE: this recipe is actually...how do you say...formidable -- Bon appetit!

MUST HAVE PASTA TONIGHT

If you're like a lot of active kids, you crave CARBS.  Here's the absolute bare bones recipe for baked pasta..it pains this pseudo-chef to have you buy already-made sauce, but when you've got a craving, it does not include complication...so here goes:

MUST HAVE PASTA NOW, Baked Ziti:  BBB (basic beyond belief)  

(you can add pretty much ANYTHING to the dish before cooking including: nuts; olives; tofu; lightly cooked or leftover veggies such as: onions, carrots, mushrooms, spinach, broccoli, green peppers, eggplant, zucchini;..you name it, it will work, and if it doesn't, by god, you'll snarf it down anyway, we all know)

Ingredients:
about a pound of ziti or penne the big ones
Italian sausage, spicy or not - any old grocery store version will do-either sliced or cut down center and remove casings (I like this better-do your roommates a favor and don't fling the casings onto the counter or into the sink-ewwwww)
11/2 to 2 big cans (more or less) of tomato sauce (if you insist on getting fancy, throw in some dried basil and oregano and call it "homemade")
mozzarella - real or fake, shredded, cubed, any which way will do-about a pound
grated parmesan or the kind in the green can (my grandmother is already rolling in her grave as we speak)

Set oven to 400
o  find a 9x13 baking pan, lightly spray it with oil
o  Boil a large pot of water and cook pasta AL DENTE...not mushy, like about 9-10 min worth/drain
o  while pasta is boiling, heat a large frying pan with a splosh of olive oil to med. high..when it's hot toss the sausage in there and break it up as it browns. This is splattery so don't be putting your face in the pan to smell the deliciousness.  Don't keep stirring it, let it brown then stir.
o  When sausage loses its pink color, you might wish to drain off the oil and you might not...no one is looking. Your heart may thank you later on in life if you drain...and your kitchen plumbing may thank you if you drain into a tomato can and not the sink.
o  pour sauce in frying pan...use your best judgement on this - look at your pan, look at the amount of pasta you're cooking, look at the sausage...if you misjudge it's not the end of the world, it's just a little messy.
o  simmer until sauce is bubbly
o  spoon some sauce into baking pan. Throw some pasta on top of that along with a sprinkling of mozzarella. Now that there is more room in your frying pan, mix the pasta and sauce together in there - go slowly-you are aiming for gloppy, gooey, yummy. (If you have leftover pasta, that's fine.) Put in more mozzarella but leave enough to sprinkle on top. Dump all this into baking pan and top with grated parmesan and a good helping of mozzarella.  If it's all the way to the top of the pan, put a big piece of tin foil on the rack below your ziti to catch any drips.  Bake for about 30 minutes or until bubbling and a little browned on top.
Serve with salad and bread or eat with a soup spoon and lots of napkins.
NOTE:  You will need to do some laundry tonight.

EGG CUPS

So, in a moment of exquisite desire for eggs and bacon, my brother produced these delectable little numbers - perfect for a crowd, quick and easy. 

Diane and Stephen's Delectable Egg Cups!

(as interpreted by me, the eater of the eggs)

EGGS - 12

bacon - 12 slices

cheese - grated or not - cheddar or whatever you have

butter, softened

white bread or some nice pliable bread slices - 12

cookie sheet and muffin tin

salt and pepper

Line a cookie sheet with foil and place 12 slices of bacon on sheet

(you will only need 6 slices for the recipe but you know what happens when you cook bacon...c'mon!)

place sheet in oven and turn oven to 400..watch carefully-should take less than 15 minutes-key is to put pan into cool oven. NOTE: you can also cook bacon on stove.

While cooking bacon, spray muffin tin with oil. Take slices of bread, butter nicely (on side that won't be touching oil) and press into each cup with the bread - making little bread baskets.  After you're done battling with the bread thing, your bacon should be ready - take it out CAREFULLY otherwise the grease from the bacon will sizzle your bare, sandy toes - rightabout where your poison ivy is - and that won't feel great.  Drain bacon on paper bags or paper towels - rip each slice in half.  Reduce oven to 350!  

(pour grease into an old can when it's cooler.)

bake the bread dude.  We are only LIGHTLY crisping it up so aim for 3-5 minutes - do not walk away or decide now's the time to check last night's Red Sox score..stay next to that oven like a golden retriever next to a stinky tennis ball.

Take bread out and prepare for the fun part:  sprinkle some cheese into each cup, toss in a piece of bacon (if there are any left) and crack an egg on top, s&p.  You can get fancy shmancy and add herbs or a little drip of cream on top.

This is a good assembly line sort of activity; however, do NOT give the salt and pepper sweep job to your friend, Bubba, whose eyes are still glued together and his hands probably still reek of last night's pepperoni pizza. 

Bake until eggs are set - maybe 20-25 minutes. YUM.

NOTE:Some people might like a sweep of goat cheese on the bottom instead of cheddar, or a sprig of spinach and/or a little sun dried tomato action...be creative.  

Also, I've discovered if you want to avoid those annoying bits of shell in your eggs try this: instead of cracking against a bowl like those chefs on tv - newbies - crack the egg on the flat counter - just enough to break the shell, then open the egg into the cups - the membrane in the egg stays in tact which keeps the shell in place instead of dropping into your recipe.

best beans

(Still residing in Paris) Ok, I know I've been posting a heap more veggie matter than meeeeeeeat...sorry; it's the summer and, the chef of the moment still has not bought a new grill since the divorce (no barbeque until then), and has not been eating a lot of meat lately other than sardines, since in France - oysters, as I have heard, should not really be enjoyed so much since the ocean has been pretty warm-this oyster lover is sad but not going to indulge until proven wrong.....

Here's a green bean recipe that is, how do you say, tres tres yum yum. Call your parents TODAY and ask for a raise since you have to buy some GOOD French green beans..this will change your life forever.

THE BEST GREEN BEANS OF YOUR LIFE DIRECT FROM FRANCE

o  green beans - like I said, no cheap shriveled, old wands of sadness - REAL green beans

o  sliced almonds - hopefully these are lying around in the cabinet, otherwise start selling your mom's prized Hummels on ebay, this ingredient is eeeeessential. Crack your own if you must, just don't slice off your fingers when you're chopping them

o  some butter

o  lemon if you wish...not necessary

Look carefully at beans. Are they beautiful? If not, either break off the naughty ends or cut off the ends with the stems. Make them lovely and presentable! Their reputation is on the edge here.

Take a frying pan and either spray some oil or drizzle a TINY bit of oil in the pan...heat to med/high

before smoking (the pan NOT YOU-ever!) throw a heap of almonds into the pan and toss around.  Watch this carefully - stir around nuts until golden brown...not black...lightly BROWN or GOLDEN. take off heat.

In a small pot of boiling water throw in your lovely beans and toss in a big pinch of salt. Lower heat and gently simmer them until they are a second less than snappy..you want them poppy not snappy.  (People who like hard, snappy vegetables cannot be trusted; they're the types who steam their "veggies" for 2 seconds in distilled who-knows-what and eat only one or two of them with organic seaweed pulp instead of salt. Wicked weird.) Toss the beans with a tablespoon of butter, some salt, a little olive oil and your toasted nuts. Some people love a good sprinkling of lemon, not important though.  Delightful!

MOOSHrooms

The best little side-dish of your life. You can also spoon these onto a bruschetta or use in a sandwich with leftover chicken at midnight.

o  MUSHROOMS, any kind
o  some sort of nasty alcohol-check your parents' cabinets; best choice is sherry, vermouth, madera wine, or cooking wine - avoid at all cost: bailey's, kahlua, nasty bottles with crusty caps
o  dollop of creme freche or sour cream or heavy cream or greek yogurt
o  herbs: fresh thyme is best but dried rosemary, parsley, or marjoram will suffice

If your mushrooms are not sliced, you are in for a treat:  before slicing them, take a wet paper towel and wipe each individual mushroom, lovingly-be sure to stroke each and every one (cursing the fact that you had to buy whole mushrooms instead of the more expensive already-sliced ones).
Otherwise, throw those already-sliced, entitled mushrooms into a large, medium-heated frying pan with a splosh of olive oil, a chunk of butter, a little sweep of salt and pepper, and your twig of thyme (or other herb choice). It's best if your shrooms are not crowded but for your crowd, any sort of pan and crowdation will do.

Let the mushrooms cook for about 5 minutes.  Take out twig.  Pour in about 1/4 cup of obtained alcohol and cook down for about 2 minutes more. At this point you can turn off heat and wait any given time to proceed..like maybe your roommate started gagging on last week's leftover clam surprise from Olive Garden and you had to help her out...
Reheat your shrooms (hopefully your roommate is now stabilized) gently, then stir in your dollop of cream. Bring to simmer (just bubbling) then serve with a sprinkling of whatever herb you used before.
Your friends will think you're a CHEF especially if you put the leftover alcohol bottle in the pocket of your apron and with spewing saliva, yell obscenities at anyone who tries to help.

Best authentic, imitation Italian salad

The dish that will bring you to feel flowery, hippie Italian forever.
(This is, take note, the authentic, Umbrian way to make a salad...make it and weep - not in the salad bowl please.) Your salad will succeed only if you become a totally sensual, live-in-the-moment Italian!
ARUGULA - good, young, lovely arugula, washed, rinsed gently - don't manhandle-it's sensitive
lemon, use one or two quarters
kosher sale (SALT)
 olive oil
good chunk of parmigiano reggiano
optional: grilled portobello mushrooms or any leftover grilled veggies (any chance?)

Slice arugula into large slivers and place in large, Italian salad bowl. If there is no Italian salad bowl available, stop what you're doing RIGHT NOW. Go heat up some canned corn instead.
(don't proceed until your dinner party is looking at you, seated at the table, forks up, with insane, hungry eyes; otherwise your salad will be limp, nasty anti-Italian weed matter)
give a good, solid squeeze of lemon all over arugula-no seeds!
drizzle a good drizzle of olive oil (let's say 1/4 lemon, 3/4 olive oil)
throw and sweep a good helping of kosher salt.
Grate or peel a healthy chunk  of parm on top and gently (arugula is sensitive!) toss salad (think of the arugula like Italian baby goslings- gentle!! do not hurry!) Taste. Make yummy, Italian sounds.
accompany with any bellisima leftovers like: grilled mushrooms,  grilled chicken,  grilled vegetables...anything really.          Best is as is, however.
Buon appetito!!

ok PEAS please!

You know you crave them..those little green orbs of happiness and joy. So here's a simple recipe that will knock your English, pea-lovin socks off.
Ingredients: 
o  frozen peas (yes, they can be absolutely delicious..petite peas are best but any will do)
o  chunk of butter (about 2 tbsp or if you're on a diet, get off the diet)
o  1/2 yellow onion, sliced
o  olive oil
o  sprigs of mint (again, go to your weird neighbor's garden and pick away late at night-just DO NOT mistake mint for his home-grown who-knows-what or you may find yourself face-down, inhaling lint off your friend's flea dust and dna-saturated couch instead of slurping up delicious, buttery English peas....just sayin)

in a large saucepan, bring to boil some water, sliced onion, your big sprig of mint, the chunk of butter,  and a huge splosh of olive oil. When it comes to boil, throw in your peas, a big sweep of salt and bring to boil again, then lower the heat and simmer for about 5 - 10 minutes. Take out mint.
 (some people like their peas more mushy than others...all a matter of taste. This chef prefers her peas more hard than soft)
You can keep the onion in or take it out for a nice cup of tea later.  With a slotted spoon, take out peas and present them in a fancy porcelain bowl -- Cheers!!
NOTE: leftover peas are excellent in pasta or curry or salad or ramen noodles or stinky cheese pasta.

Hurry Curry!!

NOTE: you'd better get a handle on your Indian accent before attempting this, seriously - watch a little Slumdog Millionaire first (also, the curry will be way too sweet if you watch Bollywood).  If it's teetering on the Scottish or East Providence lilt, your dish will be sadly confused. Get it right, man.

Recipe donated by friend, Megan; a devout baconetarian who occasionally throws caution to the wind and devours an occasional (de)feathered fowl...word on the street is, though, she lip synched thru this recipe!  Vicious rumors spread after her dinner guests, annoyed by her perfect-Indian-accent fart and knock knock jokes, realized Megan's husband had been in the kitchen the entire time she was cooking!! (highly suspicious)  Turns out, her husband did spend his early childhood in India, cleaning out hookahs for the local pig farmers.  That explains Megan's choice in jokes and why she kept flinging peas at everyone. The curry is good despite this stupid story.
WICKED EASY CHICKEN CURRY-make sure you got the rice figured out first (see below)
1 1/2 TBSP (tablespoon) vegetable oil
1 pound chicken cut in cubes
1 medium onion chopped up - save a kleenex, wear goggles
1/4 tsp  (teaspoon) salt
2 tsp curry powder
1 can unsweetened coconut milk (look in the international section in grocery store)
1 cup canned diced tomatoes
2 TBSP tomato paste (if you can find a tube of this stuff, you won't waste a whole can)
3 cups packed fresh baby spinach (your moms would be proud)


In large saucepan, saute the onion in the oil on med low until wilted and translucent. Add chicken and cook a minute. Throw in the next 5 ingredients (your Indian accent is already getting better - say "ingredients" again), stirring all the time.  Bring to a gentle boil then turn heat way down - should be done pretty quickly-maybe 10 minutes.  Take off heat. Have some more Chai tea.
2 minutes before you're ready to serve, turn up heat, throw in spinach and cook until bright green and just wilted.  TASTY.

Tastes great with RICE:
(NOTE: you can start your rice BEFORE or at the same time as the curry - when 20 minutes is up, turn off heat, lay a clean dishtowel over pot, replace lid and it'll stay steamy and hot for a long time;  don't fluff up until you're ready to serve.)

Easy rice even you can't mess up:
1 part rice - I like Jasmine only because it smells like popcorn when it's cooking.
2 parts water   

So, for a small group, use 1 cup rice and 2 cups water, get it?
In a small saucepan with a tight fitting lid, pour in water and bring to boil
add rice and bring to boil, stir once, put lid on top, turn down heat to very low& cook for exactly 20 minutes.
Be sure to yell at everyone in the room (in your Indian accent so they know you mean business):  "I'm making the...how do you say...RICE unt no von ees to TOUCH EET or I'll EET your UGLY toes for veenershnitzle gutton blagen!"   because if anyone lifts the lid to your rice to see what delicious thing lies within, it will be ruined forever. sorry about the Indian/German accent, it comes out when I'm excited about making rice.

Enchiladasagne

here is a recipe from my amiga, Bredt, who swears if you can say Enchiladasagne really fast while dancing La Bamba backwards and sucking on a wedge of lime you'll be transported to Mexico without even realizing it! (this sounds more like Bredt's been messing around with her agave plants again.) Anyway, even though I've never actually tasted the Enchi....Ensichid...chiligag.... whatever, I know Bredt can cook and her kids have given this the famous guacamole thumbs up!
(And by the looks of it, you could probably dress it up with some leftover chicken or roasted corn if you wanted to be super frisky.  Arrrrriba!)
serves 4

1 package corn tortillas (you will not use all)
1 can refried beans*
2 jars salsa, or canned chopped tomatoes (available w/green chiles)
Cheddar cheese, grated

Use a round casserole or small dutch oven roughly the size of the
tortillas; don’t worry if there’s a little space all around.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Pour a little salsa into the bottom of the casserole dish, just to make a
thin layer.
Spread a corn tortilla (this is easiest if they are frozen) with refried
beans. I think 1 can will make 4 or 5 bean layers. Place tortilla on top
of salsa layer.
Put another corn tortilla on top and cover with a layer of salsa, thicker
than the bottom layer. Sprinkle with a light layer of cheese.
Spread another tortilla with refried beans, and place on top of salsa/
cheese layer.
Repeat, alternating layers of refried beans with salsa/cheese layers.
Top layer should be salsa; use it all up. It will get soaked up by the
tortillas, which will become soft, almost like cornbread.
Sprinkle all over with cheese.
Cover with tin foil or pot lid and bake at 350 about one hour. Take the
top off for the last 15 minutes.
Ok to let sit for a few minutes before serving. (remember what I've said about that: oozy, melted cheese =  possibility of incinerating your innards! go shake your maracas a bit then come back.)

Use different flavors of refried beans and/or salsa, as spicy or mild as you like.
When you get tired of it plain, add shredded chicken, frozen corn,
whatever you like.  (oooh Look, Bredt had the same idea as I did! Andale!)
*I have made this using a can of black beans, drained, instead of
refried beans. I just spoon the beans on top of the tortilla.

Authentic, Imitation, Italian Focaccia

an old friend who is a gourmet cook showed me how to whip this up for her kids and I thought, man, if she can use store-bought dough with a cartoon character on it, then it must be ok. You can add all sorts of junk to it before baking: leftover shredded chicken, lumps of pesto, mushrooms, anchovies, turkey gizzard..but it's pretty darned good as is.
INGREDIENTS:  pillsbury pizza dough - thin style if possible (do not attempt homemade dough if you're already starving; trust me on this)
olive oil
dried rosemary
garlic 3 or 4 cloves (or more if you're like me)
goat cheese, crumbled (about a cup)
kosher salt
baking pan with rim

NOTE: be prepared - you may not even get a sliver of this since it smells so amazing when it's baking.

preheat oven to 425
coat the baking pan using your fingers with some olive oil
take out the dough and try and get it in the pan as thinly as you can without ripping it - if it rips just do a rough patch job.  Should fill most of the pan.
drizzle olive oil all over dough and spread around with fingers so it's quite glossy on top..like maybe 
2-3 TBSP worth. sprinkle some kosher salt on - not too much, maybe 1/2 tsp.

smash your garlic/ lightly chop it,  then pretend you're sneezing garlic alllll over the dough in a crazy haphazard fashion - do not place garlic on focaccia in any gridlike formation otherwise it'll totally suck and taste like a sour, nasty shoe. It's all about the sweep.

Next crumble about a TBSP of rosemary in your greasy, nasty hands and throw that around& over your shoulder like you've been doing this for years.  Do the same with the goat cheese. Smear the remains all over your boyfriend's face and yell, gesturing furiously with your hands: "FOCACCIAFORMAGGIOPARMESANIPREGOABUNDANZA!!!!"
He'll glow with pride and happiness that you've finally brought some damned culture into the house (and his skin will be soft as silk once you pick the rosemary out of his beard).  note: this pretend chef realizes this could be considered sexist;  please excuse the implication that men don't make focaccia...they do.  I just liked the beard thing.

Now Throw that baby in the oven and watch it like a hawk..it will be done/golden on the edges less than 10 minutes probably - it's always different.  You can slice into pieces like a pizza or put  the whole focaccia under your bathrobe and wolf it down in the closet in the dark before anyone can find it.

TOMATO SOUP QUICK!!

Ok, everyone craves it at times..here's a great, simple recipe.

Ingredients: 2 big cans of Muir Glen or other good quality crushed tomatoes
                   lots of garlic - I use about 5 or 6 cloves
                   basil (no stems) -squeeze into a bunch and slice thinly
                   1-2 cups of vegetable broth
                   balsamic vinegar
                   greek yogurt - a dollop
                   OPTIONAL and SO good with your soup: toasts with cheddar cheese:
                       loaf of french bread or any bread, sliced into a "hearty" slice
                        sliced cheddar cheese

In a soup pot, throw in a couple dashes of olive oil and heat very gently at med. low.
Smash then remove peel from garlic,  throw it in the oil. DO NOT BROWN GARLIC: just gently cook until softened - about 4/5 minutes.

Pour in the vegetable broth: this is a taste issue - I like to use a lot less broth than tomatoes like 20% broth to 80% tomatoes...see even artists can do math.
turn up the heat a bit and bring to a gentle boil.  (PREHEAT broiler now if you're doing toasts)
pour cans of tomatoes in broth, add some salt, and bring to boil. 

Don't cook the tomatoes - just bring just to boil and take off heat.  NOTE: Let cool a tad so you don't have to go to the burn hospital if your soup sploshes on your body parts and seers you to smithereens.

Place slices of cheese on the slices of bread on a cookie sheet and broil - not too close, like the second to top rack.

Blend soup - I like it a little chunky - your choice.  Gently blend in the yogurt for a second or two. Carefully return pureed soup to pot - don't dump it in quickly - otherwise it'll look like Freddie came a-calling.

Take toasts out when they're a touch burnt around edges..yum. At this point you'll probably need to open the windows and reassure your neighbors when they run into your house with buckets of water. (Invite them to soup.)

 stir in a couple of good sploshes of balsamic vinegar and your slivers of basil - make sure you taste it before you serve with your cheddar toasts.  ENJOY!!

Apple Raspberry Crumble!!

MOM-pretending-to-be-Martha-Stewart'S Apple Raspberry Crumble yum yum (one of Julia's fav's)

This has been made a million times and each time is great, no matter what happens, in general, a mixture of fruit, butter and sugar NEVER fails. And you can add more apples/add more berries....it'll be great. Best served with a dollop of vanilla ice cream:
Ingredients:
3 or 4 green apples (Granny Smith)
1 10-oz. container of frozen raspberries  (or one pint fresh) - let defrost now in a collander
juice of one lemon - no seeds!
1 cup of flour
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup (one stick) of unsalted butter-keep cold until the last second!!
1/4 grated nutmeg - or cinnamon if you don't have nutmeg

PREHEAT OVEN to 375


1) peel and core apples and slice into  8-10 each and arrange in a buttered (or sprayed), shallow ceramic or glass dish...let your inner Martha Stewart come out and make your design fabulous! Sprinkle lemon juice all over.


2) take your fresh or well-drained raspberries and sprinkle on top of apples.


3) Mix flour and sugar in a separate bowl.  Chop up cold butter into pieces, throw into flour mixture, and with your nicely cleaned/dried hands,  squeeze and pinch butter into flour, flipping and squeezing and mixing around until your mixture looks like coarse bread crumbs. Add in nutmeg.  Cover fruit mixture with this floury mixture and
BAKE for about 25 minutes or until you see it bubbling it looks golden on top.  

NOTE: Do not get anxious and dip into this bubbling molten lava of goodness until it cools - at least 20 minutes - so go eat your tortellini soup and come back.