delicious and nutritious turkey lettuce wraps

DATE ALERT: Do not serve this on your first date with that girl you met at the mawl...  
These are delectable, easy to make, and ideal if you're watching your weight - unless you consume the whole lot in one sitting, which, no doubt, you will want to do.

You'll need:
o  a pound of ground turkey or chicken
o  coconut oil - you can find this at Whole foods and if your budget doesn't include fancy things like coconut oil, use any sort of oil except baby.
o  something called Chinese 5 spices - it's in the spice area and you will thank me later
o  scallions or cilantro - both good; together better- slice up the white parts of the scallion
o  garlic- a few peeled
o  shredded carrots - about half a cup or more
o  tamari or soy sauce
o  grated fresh ginger - about 2 tbsp
o  splash of rice vinegar
o a head of lovely bibb lettuce - the kind that has large, tender leaves

Separate the lettuce into big pieces and put on a plate. (you're almost done)
heat a big pan up about medium with a couple of tablespoons of oil.
once it's melted and hot, throw in your carrots and cook for a minute.
throw in some smashed garlic, ginger, turkey, and as much grated ginger as you can stand - the more the better in my opinion. Throw in the scallions. (you can slice up the green parts of the scallion and throw that in towards the end of cooking.
Cook all that thru, about 10 minutes, breaking up big hunks of turkey.
fling a good handful of chopped cilantro in, toss in a sweep of tamari and about 2 tbsp of rice vinegar and cook that up for another minute.

This should be smelling really good and you'll want to grab a spoon and eat it out of the pan but if you didn't heed my advice about the date, don't do it..she was impressed when you whipped out the Chinese 5 spices but will be grabbing her purse if you can't restrain yourself.

Put a spoonful of the mixture on top of the carefully laid out lettuce leaves and serve!
(roll up like a burrito and grab the napkins)

b'jeez, eh, time t'cook

A certain Canadian friend of mine was disturbed that IHungry didn't represent the superior recipe options from his homeland. So, I decided to do less of whatever the hell I am doing and take on a more international vibe for all of you ambitious sorts who require ethnic variety, jeezis...my friend is currently out on a glacier somewhere, hunting arctic moose to feed his village so I'll have to invent a good Canadian supper..sometin' aboot bacon'r ham eh? 

'Mazin Sundee Supper for you and yer Compnee

HOG 'n bacon CASSEROLE

First, you'll need to put on some flannel-lined waxed plaid hunting pants (or your old Ottowa hockey jersey), turn the temp WAY down so you can see your breath, if you're 21 make a strong toddie (homemade moonshine poured in a coffee mug with a sprinkling of hot water and lemon),   and throw some maple leaves around on the kitchen floor in order to get in the mood.

Stuff you'll need:

¼ Cup salted pork(I don't know what the hell this is either - must be a Canadian staple you'd find in an old attic hung  on wire hangers near the open window where snow can blow in and keep it from rotting - just use a few pieces of bacon - chopped up is fine - b'jeez)

1 Onion, cut into small cubes 

2 Green onions (we call them scallions -skip this if it's freaking you out) cut into small pieces 

4 potatoes peeled and thinly sliced 

2 Cups diced cooked ham 

2 Tbsp flour 

2½ cups milk 

¼ tsp thyme 

Pinch nutmeg 

Salt and pepper 

Here's what y'doo:

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.   Cook rotting, snow-encrusted mystery meat - er bacon in this case - in saucepan for 2 minutes. Add onions cook 3 minutes. (Canadians look to the stars to determine time, so don't blame me if my stars were off)

In casserole dish (spray lightly with vegetable spray - or rub a little hog grease),  place one potato layer and sprinkle with cooked onions and bacon. Add ham. Repeat layers. Season well with salt and pepper. Sprinkle with spices. 

Mix flour and milk with a whisk.  Pour mixture over ham; cover and cook in oven for 40 minutes. Then remove cover and continue to cook for 10 minutes. Serve to yer compnee.  If it don't work out, cook the smith'reens oot of d'stuff and use it as a hockey puck, by jeez. 

SOBA FAST

Supa Fast Noodles

this recipe is so fast I'm almost done with it now! 

It's an Asian noodly yum I invented when I was feeling like something a little saucy/salty. This recipe will leave you waving your chopsticks in the air, begging for more!

Ingredients:  SOBA noodles - a buckwheat pasta  sold in the Asian aisle

                     sesame oil

                     tamari (or soy sauce)

                     frozen spinach

                     can of oily tuna (do not use the narsty white "tuna packed in water" or you will keel over  

                         choking on a gob of dry, imitation tuna product that tastes like a 70's rubber Barbie doll foot-

                         and please 

                                don't ask how I know what that tastes like...memory is too painful)  squeeze out a

                                little of the oil

                                    from the can

o  boil a pot of water.

o  when the water is in a rolling boil, throw the noodles in, wait for it to boil again, then turn down the temp a little bit.  If you don't, the starch from the noodles will cause your pot of water to erupt like Mt. St. Helens - not so fab unless you're aiming to impress your friends with a fun volcano demonstration before dinner - which won't exist unless you're into frozen spinach for dinner cause that's all that'll be left, bucko. 

o  in 2 minutes or so throw in a big hunk or a couple cups of frozen spinach..your water will sit there for a minute, confused, sad, and pissy because of the spinach ruining the fun, so turn up the heat a tad to get things moving again, then turn it down again a bit otherwise you'll have a GREEN volcano science project to clean up. 

o  after about 2 minutes, test a noodle - if it's soft, you're done.

o  drain mixture, throw in a big bowl, and add about TBSP of sesame oil, a good splash of tamari, and your can of delicious, oily tuna. Stir around with your chopsticks and bon appetit! or rather douzo meshiagare!! 

FISHK

For those of you young darlingsk who have never seen the musical, Popeye, with Robin Williams, you're just going to have to deal.  For those of you COOL people who appreeshkiate that film I will honor your happy memories and use Popeye-speak...it was meant to be. Here's some good fishk fastk.

SHLIMPS when you really want em now

Ingrediments:  Shlimps - frozen, already cooked (you can totally use freshk or uncooked ones but this   

                        recipe is quick-like easy - I llllllike the medium to large kind

                        Garlicccc - a ton - smashed and ready to go

                        Olive oil (I know not THE Olive Oil - the other one)

ohhhh Popeyyyyye

                        small tomatees - not the tiny grape ones but the larger ones

                        optionimal:  baby spinachk, leftover spinachk, frozen spinachk, save the canned 

                        spinachk for Popeye   

         

pppppprocess:  Heat up some o.o. in a big pan - the bigger the bettah...not too hot (never burn the garlic, if you do, better throw the whole damned thing overboard or you'll be scrunching up one side of your face and mumbling about some nasty taste in your chomps. Plus Sweet Pea would never go near you again).

After a minute or so, throw in a pile of tomatees. Throw in some salt and peppeh and yell, 'I yam what I yam!!' as you do it.  In a couple of minutesk, before the tomatees get too soft, turn up the heat and throw in your shlimps. Cccccccover.  (If you're using frozen spinachk, best to nuke, then drain it now-add at the very end.)

If you're using fresh spinachk, wait a bit before you throw that in or it'll become limpk and nasty. The second the shlimps seem to be heated thru-don't overcook - remember they are already cooked; you're just basically reheating, throw in that spinachk and uncover. Stir around a bit with the end of your pipe, add more seasoning or some red pepper flakes until it looks delishk.   Serve with quinoa or rice or over pasta or if you're like Popeye, eat it right at the stove from the pan, even if steam comes shooting out of your ears...(you can add a bit of pppesto to it if you're getting real fancy shmancy)  Enjjjjjjoy. 

Roasted Veggies

If you throw a bunch of vegetables in the oven you can have delicious beginnings for breakfast, lunch or dinner for several days.  Here's a basic recipe and some things you can do with it afterwards:

WICKED GOOD ROASTED VEGETABLES that go a long way.....
You'll need any hearty vegetable matter: eggplant, garlic, onion, asparagus, carrots (peeled), bell peppers (take out seeds!), zucchinis, broccoli, fennel...whatever you find. Lemon juice if you want.
Preheat oven to 400

Cut vegetables into thick slices or chunks.  If you have garlic, leave the skins on.  You will have to be vegetable cop here and keep order (don't let the peppers comingle with the asparagus) since some vegetables take longer to cook than others so try and keep them as separate as possible.
Oil up a pan or two - allowing vegetables to sit on the pan without having to rub elbows with its neighbors.  Sprinkle on olive oil all over the mix making sure they're good and doused-use your CLEAN hands to distribute.  Throw a good amount of kosher salt and pepper all over..bake.  In about 10 minutes check and take out whatever is ready - asparagus and beans usually are done first (take out before they are shriveled and black).  Stay on guard and remove whatever vegetables are next in line until they're all lovely and lightly browned. Flip them around if they seem to be browning too much on one side.  Throw them all into a big bowl.  Squeeze out garlic into mix when it's cool enough to handle.  Sprinkle lemon juice.  If you have parsley, throw that in too if you want.

Ideas on how to use these things:
 breakfast: heat up veggies in nuker briefly. Top with a fried egg, leftover bacon, guacamole, rice or beans, sprinkling of cheese and salsa and serve on a warm tortilla - you will not be hungry the rest of the day, guaranteed!
 lunch:  toast up a thick slice of french bread, rub some garlic on the bread while hot, sprinkle a bit of olive oil on that, throw on some veggies,  lay a slab of feta cheese or cheddar on top and chow down...you can also broil it a bit for extra deliciousness.  
dinner:   in a big pan, fry up some bacon till crisp, drain on paper towels..pour off all but about a tbsp of bacon fat into an old can. In the fat, throw in some big pieces of walnuts and brown.  Scoop out walnuts and drain on paper towels.  Meanwhile boil some ziti, heat up your veggies, cut up some cherry tomatoes and fresh basil. When the pasta is done throw in a big bowl your warmed veggies, crumbled bacon, tomatoes, basil, walnuts in bowl; add more olive oil if it seems too dry...serve with parmesan, salt and pepper.
Or just throw the veggies in a bed of leftover rice or quinoa with a bunch of chopped fresh herbs or arugula and lemon..done.

TOMATO SOUP QUICK!!

Ok, everyone craves it at times..here's a great, simple recipe.

Ingredients: 2 big cans of Muir Glen or other good quality crushed tomatoes
                   lots of garlic - I use about 5 or 6 cloves
                   basil (no stems) -squeeze into a bunch and slice thinly
                   1-2 cups of vegetable broth
                   balsamic vinegar
                   greek yogurt - a dollop
                   OPTIONAL and SO good with your soup: toasts with cheddar cheese:
                       loaf of french bread or any bread, sliced into a "hearty" slice
                        sliced cheddar cheese

In a soup pot, throw in a couple dashes of olive oil and heat very gently at med. low.
Smash then remove peel from garlic,  throw it in the oil. DO NOT BROWN GARLIC: just gently cook until softened - about 4/5 minutes.

Pour in the vegetable broth: this is a taste issue - I like to use a lot less broth than tomatoes like 20% broth to 80% tomatoes...see even artists can do math.
turn up the heat a bit and bring to a gentle boil.  (PREHEAT broiler now if you're doing toasts)
pour cans of tomatoes in broth, add some salt, and bring to boil. 

Don't cook the tomatoes - just bring just to boil and take off heat.  NOTE: Let cool a tad so you don't have to go to the burn hospital if your soup sploshes on your body parts and seers you to smithereens.

Place slices of cheese on the slices of bread on a cookie sheet and broil - not too close, like the second to top rack.

Blend soup - I like it a little chunky - your choice.  Gently blend in the yogurt for a second or two. Carefully return pureed soup to pot - don't dump it in quickly - otherwise it'll look like Freddie came a-calling.

Take toasts out when they're a touch burnt around edges..yum. At this point you'll probably need to open the windows and reassure your neighbors when they run into your house with buckets of water. (Invite them to soup.)

 stir in a couple of good sploshes of balsamic vinegar and your slivers of basil - make sure you taste it before you serve with your cheddar toasts.  ENJOY!!

Dad's Fabulous SOUP

DAD's FABULOUS and EASY tortellini soup
So when you're at the store and see that package of dried tortellini and think, dagnabbit, another night of pasta and sauce in front of the tv!  This recipe will shake up your world and generate good, warm and fuzzy thoughts throughout your week!! Why, you'll probably be making batches of the stuff for the whole neighborhood by the end of the week! We recommend sliced, fresh basil - tip toe on over to that weird guy's garden on the corner, and grab a few stems tonight - he'll never know. Just send him a Christmas card next year. Note: make sure it's BASIL and not the poisonous boil-inducing stinging nettle plant which looks almost identical to basil...
This is a good, quick dinner item that my dad invented while living on his own as a rent-a-doc:
E A S Y (as long as you're not covered in cold compresses at the hospital because you picked a plant that was definitely NOT basil):

TORTELLINI SOUP SERVES 4-6

1 T butter
4 cloves garlic—minced
2 14 ½ oz. cans chicken broth
1 14 ½ oz. can stewed or chopped tomato
1 9 oz. pkg. of cheese tortellini
½ pkg. frozen or fresh spinach, stemmed
6-leaves fresh basil or 1 tsp. dried
Grated parmesan cheese

Melt butter and sauté garlic 2 min.
Stir in chicken broth and pasta and bring to boil.
Reduce heat.
Add ¼ c. parmesan cheese.
Simmer until pasta is done ~5 min.
Stir in tomatoes, basil, and spinach.
Simmer 2 minutes and serve.
Pass more parmesan cheese.