What Watermelon??

Sweet Jeezus, there's watermelon on the menu! We're talking a TOWER OF POWER watermelon - my kids and I were in Glawstah for a bit this summah and we were overwhelmed with luscious happiness and joy by a fabulous watermelon appetizer (that I'll try and recreate here)  It looks pretty simple and tastes amazing. My daughter who "doesn't do cheese" opted for the sans cheese version - either/or is amazing.
At the restaurant 2 and possibly 3 watermelons were used for one appetizer and we never actually ate our main course - we had to walk around for hours with all the other stuffed quahogs (that's cohawgs) stumbling around outside, belching in a very aggressive manner....

WATERMELON SALAD 

this is the sans cheese version/not layered

Ingredients: 

o  a couple of big juicy hunks of manly looking watermelon - this is a stand at attention; salute-to-the-chef kind of dish, folks - take it seriously. No seeds unless you're looking for disappointment

o  some feta cheese crumbles or slices

o  balsamic vinegar

o  some sort of salty nut - we like cashews - you could also toast some salted nuts - chopped up

Cut the watermelon so it resembles either this above, or cut into big, uniform slabs, stacked in a pretty way

You can either layer some feta (about 75% watermelon...) or crumble it around the bottom of your stack

drizzle some balsamic on top and around the mounds - not too much; it's complimenting the melon not gushing around in puddles

sprinkle the nuts all over and by golly you have a massive amount of watermelon on your plate-eat up! 

Authentic, Imitation, Italian Focaccia

an old friend who is a gourmet cook showed me how to whip this up for her kids and I thought, man, if she can use store-bought dough with a cartoon character on it, then it must be ok. You can add all sorts of junk to it before baking: leftover shredded chicken, lumps of pesto, mushrooms, anchovies, turkey gizzard..but it's pretty darned good as is.
INGREDIENTS:  pillsbury pizza dough - thin style if possible (do not attempt homemade dough if you're already starving; trust me on this)
olive oil
dried rosemary
garlic 3 or 4 cloves (or more if you're like me)
goat cheese, crumbled (about a cup)
kosher salt
baking pan with rim

NOTE: be prepared - you may not even get a sliver of this since it smells so amazing when it's baking.

preheat oven to 425
coat the baking pan using your fingers with some olive oil
take out the dough and try and get it in the pan as thinly as you can without ripping it - if it rips just do a rough patch job.  Should fill most of the pan.
drizzle olive oil all over dough and spread around with fingers so it's quite glossy on top..like maybe 
2-3 TBSP worth. sprinkle some kosher salt on - not too much, maybe 1/2 tsp.

smash your garlic/ lightly chop it,  then pretend you're sneezing garlic alllll over the dough in a crazy haphazard fashion - do not place garlic on focaccia in any gridlike formation otherwise it'll totally suck and taste like a sour, nasty shoe. It's all about the sweep.

Next crumble about a TBSP of rosemary in your greasy, nasty hands and throw that around& over your shoulder like you've been doing this for years.  Do the same with the goat cheese. Smear the remains all over your boyfriend's face and yell, gesturing furiously with your hands: "FOCACCIAFORMAGGIOPARMESANIPREGOABUNDANZA!!!!"
He'll glow with pride and happiness that you've finally brought some damned culture into the house (and his skin will be soft as silk once you pick the rosemary out of his beard).  note: this pretend chef realizes this could be considered sexist;  please excuse the implication that men don't make focaccia...they do.  I just liked the beard thing.

Now Throw that baby in the oven and watch it like a hawk..it will be done/golden on the edges less than 10 minutes probably - it's always different.  You can slice into pieces like a pizza or put  the whole focaccia under your bathrobe and wolf it down in the closet in the dark before anyone can find it.